LoSt in Tis WorLd

Had a pretty bad day lately. Had a fight with my mom and so now, we’re not in talking terms…again. Just wonder wat did i do wrong. So tired of her childish arguments. Tired of all this…..U knoe, most mothers would be close with their daughters. How come mine’s not?? Is it my fault??

“Have you ever feel like everyone else is against you and you are left standing
all alone? Well I have…everyday. But today is worst than the yesterdays.
Sometimes I do wonder, why is it that they hate me so much? Maybe I am evil.
Maybe I do deserve all this. Maybe I am like what they say I am. Maybe…

But I too would like to be treated as a daugther, as a family. Why is it that you
always spit and despise me like as if u haf already disowned me? What wrongs
did I do to earn such humiliation, such abuse?

Maybe I’m just overly-sensitive. Maybe it’s all my fault. Maybe this is how all
daughters should be treated. Maybe she’s just trying to teach me. Maybe…
In times when u really need them most, they’re all gone. In times when u really
need a shoulder to cry on, there’s none left to be use. In times when u really
need someone to run to and pour out ure feelings, all doors are closed. In times
when u really feel like dying, there’s no one to save u.

I’m all alone…

again.”

Wrote that 2 days ago,the day i fight wif my mom. was so pissed off with her. Cant believe that i’m still hoping that things will change someday. Oh well, i hope that that someday wouldnt take so long to arrive, coz i’m at the tip of my patience already. One day u might even find a my face in the front page, “Girl Ran Away Leaving a Suicide Note”. Hahha…as if, i wish man. Can become popular for a while. keke…anyway, when I was feeling really bad tat time, I baked myself a cake. It’s a marble cake. A strawberry, chocolate marble cake to be precise. And it was perfect!!! The bottom’s not burnt, there’s no “tumor lumps” on the cake, it’s not sunken and smell’s nice too!!! I’m getting good at this. Next time, i plan to take orders for Hari Raya. But must perfect the skills first. Was gng to take a picture of the cake and post it here so that u all can drool over the cake…keke…but when i take a look at it todae, there’s left only 1 small piece. Man…that was fast, i was hoping that it could last for at least a week.

Went to meet Ijal after that. I knoe it’s already late and if i were to ask my mother for permission, all i get is a kick in my ass, so i did like wat my bros usually do, just walk out. Hehe..felt good actually when u do that once in awhile. Brought along a few piece of my cake for him to try, and its a good thing he didnt “pretend” vomitting and play dead. Coz if he were to do that, i would get the shovel for him. Went to eat pizza hut, (getting sick of that place) then we went SHOPPING!!! haha…bought myself a bag from Yellow. The person says that i was the first customer to buy that “new arrival” bag. hehe…It was nice lah, i really cant resist it. K i guess this month i haf enuf shopping already. Better resist the temptation before i go off my budget. Still need to save to get a digicam, preferably by my next payment.

So 1 ting i learned tat day was, life is always full of ups and downs. So when u’re feeling down, always try to pull ureself up again instead of sulking over it.

Peace!!

love u sayang

So long never update my blog. Was too lazy to come online, and for the past few days, i’ve been out most of the time. On Wednesday, went to Ijal’s house just to laze around. Then we went to watch “Exorcism of Emily Rose”. It wasnt so great like wat my fren told me. It’s the typical exorcist story. I’ve watched like 5 different stories about exorcism and almost all of them are about the same. The onli thing is tat, this one they put it in a more modernised way. And the way they approach it is different…so oklah. It’s not that bad. But i still like the very first exorcist movie with green gooey vomitus, 360 degree spinning head, and the gerl floating above the bed. Yah…that exorcist movie was still the best to me. Talking about exorcist, i think my phone need to be exorcist too. The thing kept on turning off and on by itself, and sometimes hangs. Damn it…becoming so irritating already. Time for me to get a new phone, which i dun tink that i can get anytime now. Just haf to bear with it for a while.

On thursday went to watch Harry Potter with Aisyah. haha…the movie was superb!!! Feel like watching it again. At first, i felt half hearted to go coz most of the gerls can’t make so it was left onli me and Ais and furthermore, yesterday was our 17 month’s anniversary so by right i should be out with him celebrating our anniversary but i’ve already promised Ais a week ago that i would go and watch the movie with her. So I went to meet Ais at PS. I’m glad thta i did coz if i didnt go yesterday, i tink i wouldnt be watching Harry Potter movie again, just like last year. After the movie, we went shopping!!!! Haha…went to tis one shop and they were having a sale actually. Wanted to get the pants yesterday for $39.90 but decided not to coz I still need to save for other more important tings. Then i remembered, I haf not gotten my mother’s Bdae gift yet. Hahha…her birthday was on the 23rd Nov, that was on the Wednesday. The WHOLE FAMILY forgotten about her bdae…including me( wat a good daughter I am, keke). So i decided to maybe buy a huge dinner back home and we can haf a belated bdae party for my mom, but then, i dun think my brothers will be at home n I’m sure by now, my mother would haf cooked already. So wats the point of having a table of food when there’s nobody at home. So i decided to get her handbag. She’s always complaining of “needing” to haf a new handbag. So actually, i manage to spot a perfect handbag for her which wont cost me a bomb either, but….”somebody” does not agree wif the buying of my mother a bdae present. It’s a long story but i knoe wat that person meant. Was feeling kinda unfair. I knoe that she’s been bad towards me but sometimes, she do treat me good. And i knoe wat it feels like when ppl forget about your bdae and not getting a single gift on ure bdae. So that is why i want to get it for her coz i kinda pity her. But other ppl wont knoe that, they can onli say that i’m stupid and dumb enuf to be nice to her and trying to make her happy. Just wish tat someday…he’d understand me more then just trying to make me happy by telling me to disrespect her and not to listen to her, it’s more than that. I knoe that i’m always complaining about her adn i knoe that u were just trying to help me when u told me to do all those things, but to tell u the truth, it onli makes it worst. I’d rather be the way it is now then to get more hits form her. U dun think about that i suppose. Maybe to u, i’m happy after doing wat u told me to, but i’m not. I hurt even more coz u just wouldnt listen to wat i haf to say. Even if u’re listening, i dun tink u get wat i was trying to say. And it wasnt about my mother alone that i’m not happy about. There’s more….but u just wouldnt listen. Seems like we fight more than we talk. Maybe we’re not suppose to last….

hate everyone

Went raya visiting with my primary skool frens todae. Been 6 yrs ++ since i last saw them. Was so excited to see them again. haha…n wat make this outing special is tat, i manage to contact Wandi. Our famous “bad boi” kid in sennett. He’s like the worst of the worst notorious kid we could haf n always looking for trouble wif the teachers. But somehow, with all that problems he caused, the teachers still do favor him. Anyway was supppose to meet the 3 of them at punggol at 2.00pm but as usual, some ppl dunno how to read the time. They call it “janji melayu” (malay’s promise). If u promise to come at 7pm, they will turn up at 7.30pm. Total strength was 4 of us which in the first place was suppose to be 6. That is y i hate to be the organiser. When u organise everything perfectly according to their desire, in the end they backfire u. 1 will say they couldnt make coz gt class lah…another 1 haf to go off early for training lah….excuses, excuses, excuses. In the first place, y they agreed to come, waste my sms onli.

First house was Farah’s house. She’s the tomboy in our skool n the only gerl who plays soccer wif the guys. But todae, u cant spot any of the “tomboy-ness” in this lady wif the “kurung biru”. Haha…She has changed so much n getting prettier day by day. No wonder somebody is falling for her…keke. After Farah’s house it was the cikgu’s house. Miss the cikgu’s so much. I will not deny, because of them i haf a great interest in Malay. If can, i would like to turn back the time n go JC instead of poly coz my 1st ambition was to be a Malay teacher. So i really dunno how i can get into nursing but i’m not regretting it too. Nursing has a great future for me too but i just wish tat i had chosen the other path instead of tis coz i love Malay more than Biology.

Last house was my house. Haha..pity them lah coz my house got no more kuih. So lazy to bake another batch coz after this, i dun thing there’s anybody else coming to my house. After my frens left, guess who turned up. My old neighbour!!! Haha…so long never see them. Last time they use to stay at my block then they moved house to somewhere in Woodlands. So after 7 yrs , now then i get to see them again. Last time the daughter, Raihana, used to be my childhood bestfren…(she is still now though)….n almost like everyday we will play together. Miss those childhood times. But everything’s different now. If last time we will talk n scream n gossip like hell when we see each other, now it’s just silence n “far-distant” smile. That 7 yrs has made us to be strangers again n i kinda dissapointed by tat. Heard that she’s now a religious teacher is some realigious skool…tats good actually. Wish u all the best!!

me, myself n i…in the toilet

spot tis poor creature on the way home. aaawww…..

back to my house…last house by the way. n wandi should consider himself DAMN lucky to be sandwiched by 2 beauties….

there’s always time for a quick shot. heading to another cikgu’s house